I wrote this because of the damage I see from unresolved grief.
To start with you have to shove the grief down, and you cannot help but wallow in sadness, because it is too overwhelming, and you really do need everyone’s help. However as a long term strategy none of these extremes are healthy. If you never face your grief it can come back at you in unexpected ways. If you remain focused on seeking sympathy several years after the event you will have no energy to rebuild your life.
There is a nice Buddhist meditation that encourages you to imagine your mind as a clear sky. Then to see your unhappy thoughts as dark clouds coming across the sky. You recognize each one of them, then you send them on their way, as if they have been blown away by the wind. This way you are neither denying nor wallowing in your feelings of grief.
Try finding a quite space to imagine this. I find that meditation acts at the level of my feelings rather than just my intellect. It’s subconscious and heartfelt, rather than analytical.
