The worst that can happen in this pandemic is that we will lose someone very close to us, and if this is your situation my heart goes out to you. I hope that you may find some comfort on this website from Art of Grief words, images and booklets.
But the pandemic may also bring other types of grief.
Until my partner died, I thought that grief was only associated with death. The priest who conducted my partner’s funeral helped me to understand that grief was more complex and had many causes: That the initial cause of grief could bring secondary grief, such as the loss of an imagined future, or the loss of physical closeness: That people could grieve from divorce, or the loss of a limb, or shifting house.
The pandemic might mean we lose our job, and along with it our income, the companionship of workmates, and often our sense of purpose. Being in lockdown, without the distraction and busy-ness of work and other activities, may force us to face the loneliness or difficulties of our home life. We may also grieve for the loss of our imagined future: for the loss of financial security, for the disruption of job, education, retirement, holiday or relocation plans.
On top of our personal loss, there are the losses and fears that the whole world is facing together: The ongoing news reports of death and economic recession add to our personal grief.
The level of grief we each experience in this pandemic is likely to vary greatly. If you suffer grief upon grief it can be truly overwhelming. Whatever your situation, I hope that these coping strategies and perceptions that helped me in the thick of grief might help you too:
#1. Acceptance.
Perhaps the first thing to realise is that we are in a shitty situation. We cannot expect to carry on our normal happy productive lives, either individually or collectively. Life is not meant to be permanently rosy. Its no-one’s fault and there is nothing we can do about it. Humans have suffered pandemics for eons. It is perfectly ok and normal to feel afraid, sad, bewildered and unmotivated. So, cut yourself and those around you a bit of slack. Try to lower or change your expectations of “normal” and “achievement.” For the past 5 weeks I have longed to sail the empty harbour in my little boat, but then I remember to feel lucky that I can still walk around the hills. Lockdown is weird. The pandemic is scary. Its enough just to muddle through one day at a time.
Writing down my unique relationships to others reminded me I mattered to others, even though I had lost the person who cherished me daily. It was enough just to be me
#2. Thankfulness.
When life was very bleak, I started to write down the answer to these 2 questions at the end of each day:
1. What unique contribution have I made to the world today?
2. What has the world given me today?
The things I wrote were usually humble everyday things such as: “I took my father out”, or “I had a conversation with a friend” or “My daughter gave me a hug” or “It rained, so I don’t need to water the garden”. These small things helped remind me that I had a unique place in this world, such as being my father’s only daughter, and that not everything in my life was bad.
What are your answers to these questions today?